Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

by Bruce Lee

domingo, 20 de noviembre de 2011

British humour

Some jokes about computers. Can you tell me any joke in English?

25 comentarios:

  1. I love jokes and laugh of them!!
    The jokes may be a remedy to remove stress and laugh about anything.
    Here I'm going to put some real good jokes.

    The British have a great sense of humor, so great that in fact they laugh three times every time that you tell them a joke; the first time that they laugh is when they hear it, the second when they explain it, and the third when they understand it.

    Other joke:

    There was a man with a penguin under his arm. Suddenly he met an old friend, who asked him:
    - What are you doing with a penguin under your arm? You should carry him to the zoo!
    And the man replied:
    -Yes, yesterday we went to the cinema, today we've gone shopping and tomorrow we'll go to the zoo!


  2. The truth that I hate the jokes but I know some else. The British aren't funny, they are very colder. The Spanish are funniest than British.

    I tell some joke:

    What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.

  3. A few days ago my teacher Maite, of Official School Languages, talked about a joke of two Spanish friends, she said:
    -One man,called Juan, asked his friend Pedro, who had already traveled to England previously. Juan: Hey Pedro, I will travel to England the next week, but I don't understand anything about English and I need go to Manchester. -Pedro: No problem Juan, when you arrive to England, you say, "I want a tickect to go to Manchester". The next week when Juan arrived to the airport of Manchester, he asked a woman, "I want a ticket to go to Manchester", the woman asked: On a bus?, he asked really confused: Where will I go? to Manchester, obviously!
    If you don't understand the joke, I will tell you a track, ~ Juan don't understand English and he thinks the woman said: Where do you go?~ I hope you like it.

  4. When I was little, my father told me some jokes, but I only remember one of them:

    A girl who had ten years old, went with his father to fish to the sea, and when they back home, the girl had the face very red,so her mother asked her:
    -What happened?
    +It was a mosquito, mum...
    -Has the mosquito bitten you?
    +He didn't have time, dad killed him with the paddle.
    By: Noelia Fernández Béjar 2º Bach A

  5. Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.

  6. I love to listen jokes. But when I decide to recite , I think that I´m not a great expert, as I don´t know lots jokes.
    Now, I tell for you, this joke:
    "They are playing chess, an american v.s. an australian.
    Who will win?
    Hhahah... Easy,the australian, because the american lacks the towers" xD

  7. I think the same of Chemi, the Britsh aren't funny, is easier see a dog talking that a British laughing.
    In all the Britsh that I watch(in football,tenis,WWE) when the footballers score a goal they don't celebrate happy, they said goal like If it was very normal,and in other they do the same,I'm funnier than all the British together.

    My joke:

    Chemi was working when his boos asks him:
    -You won't go to the you mother in law's wake?
    And Chemi said:
    -First the work and finally the funny.

  8. I like animal jokes, therefore I am going to tell two animal jokes.
    the firt joke:
    A snail was crossing a street and it was hit by a turtle. When It awoke it was in intensitive care and the doctor asks:
    How it all happened?
    And the snail replied:
    I don´t know, it was so fast.
    the second joke:
    Dad!, Dad! What is the oldest animal?
    I don´t know, what is?
    The zebra.
    Because it's in black and white

    2A Bachiller.

  9. Personally, I love jokes, I´m always joking everywhere at every moment, even if I´m sad for something or I have a problem. My friends known how I am, and they loves my jokes... at least almost all.

    The special of my jokes is that they are completely improvised, I didn´t learn them before go out with my friends, but when I see the chance, I do some joke if I can.

    Otherwise, I know some phrases that are jokes and if the moment is the correct, I usually tell it. My favourite is: I don´t believe in god, I´m not so egocentric.

  10. I think that be funny depends of the person, not of the nationality. But, all the British that I´ve listened aren´t very funny. I remember when we see "That´s English" and a man with a suit tries to make us laugh, I think he is pathetic. However this summer I´ve talking with a British woman and she was very funny and nice.
    BY: María González 1ºBach A

  11. I love jokes and I´m going to tell you two.
    The first:
    -May I speak with the director of the school?
    -Yes, I am ¿What do you want?
    -Just called to say Pedrito won´t go to school today.
    -Mmmm...And who I speak with?
    -With my dad!

    The second:
    At school, the teacher says:
    -Pepito, how you imagine the ideal school?
    -Closed, teacher!

    Mireya González Paredes 2ºA BACH

  12. I think British are so funny.. in fact I've got a lot of British friends and I have a really good times with them.. I'm going to tell a joke.. but I have to say before I'm not very good at that:
    Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
    Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
    Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
    Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
    Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
    Cya :)

  13. I think that to tell jokes is very difficult because everybody doesn´t funny. For me english jokes aren´t good because they don´t funny. I don´t very good in this but I tell you one.
    This is a man that go to the restaurant and there:
    Man: Waiter, I can't eat this soup!
    Waiter: I'm sorry, Sir. I'll call the cook.
    Cook: What's the problem, Sir?
    Man: I'm sorry but I can't eat this soup?
    Cook: Why not, Sir?
    Man: Because I haven't got a spoon!
    By: Carmen Presenta Prados Ramón 2ºA BACH

  14. Actually although I love the jokes, I don't know a lot because I have very bad memory for them, but I like getting to read the jokes or tell me them.With all jokes I laugh, althougt they are bad. But the important thing is to laugh for a while and to have a good time.I leave here two :

    -What is the difference between a bird and a fly?
    That the bird can fly, but the fly cannot bird.

    -A woman goes to the doctor and tells him: 'You know, Doc, I'm suffering of amnesia.'
    The doctor asks, 'OK. When did you notice that?'
    The woman replies: 'What?'

  15. I like a lot of the jokes but I do not make people laugh at my jokes, but I will try:

    Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

    Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

    "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

    At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

    The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

  16. I like listen and tell jokes. I think that the similes are very important in the life.
    I love to spend it well with my friends, my family... I think that all the people often should to be happy and smile. :D

    I tell one joke:

    My house is so, so, so small that when the sun comes into my house, I have to leave. :)

  17. I don´t like a lot of English jokes but some of them are very good.

    What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.

    Sam: Would you punish me for some thing I didn't do?
    Teacher: no, of course not.
    Sam: good, because I didn't do my homework.

    By: Almudena Pérez Puertas 1ªA BACH

  18. Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.

  19. I love jokes. It is a good way of life and to have a good time. I especially like jokes about Catalans, that they are very funny. This is one of them:
    A person from Madrid goes to Catalonia, when he arrives, he sit down and he orders a coffee.
    When he finishes it, he asks for the bill and the waiter says in Catalan:
    -''Son noranta sin, centim''.
    And the person from Madrid give him 90 centimes, so the waiter repeats him: ''Son noranta sin, centim''.
    And the person from Madrid says: Here they are!!
    And after that many times, the angry waiter says in Spanish: It's ninety-five centimes!!!
    So the person from Madrid said to the waiter: I knew a Catalan would speak Spanish for five centimes.
    By: Laura De La O Sánchez. 1BachA

  20. I like jokes. I think it's a good way to spend time with your friends. You can tell a joke with your family, your friends, your partner .. I'm not good at telling jokes, when I say something, no one laughs.
    Here I leave my joke:
    This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.
    Owner: "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German."
    Shopper: "And what happens if I pull both the strings?"
    Parrot: "I fall off my perch you fool!!!"

  21. I love jokes!

    I'm not very good telling jokes but I like this people who are always joking because they make me feel soo good.

    "There are three kinds of people: those who know how to count, and those who don't." By Homber Simpson.

    Vanessa Castaño Román 1ºA Bach.

  22. Well,I know a joke which I think is not bad :
    I need three people to tell it, I will use to Miguel, Vanessa and Almudena.

    We are in a car at night, Miguel drives and we have an accident.All die and when we arrived to heaven St. Peter tells us that we can pass the door with a condition, we can't tread the pink cloud. We pass. The next day Almudena disappears and in the afternoon she cames accompanied by an ugly, fat, pale boy with many pimples. We asked her that what's happened. She said that she had stepped on to the pink cloud. The next day Vanessa and I came back with two kids, horribles with enormous noses and yellow teeth. Miquel asked us:
    -What's happened?
    +We stepped on the pink cloud. We said
    The next week Miguel disappeared and he cames whit a beautiful, high girl with green eyes and with fat lips. A group of persons asked to the girl:
    - Hey,what happened ?
    And she said that she stepped on the pink cloud.


  23. I like jokes, but to be honest, I prefer Spanish jokes to English ones, they're much more funnier!

    Here is my joke:

    Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

    Mari Gloria Lozano Prados 1º BACH A

  24. What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: HUmans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.